A Sister I never had

                                 - in memory of K.Ramya

The 18^th of June, every year, is a day I would love to forget, though I simply cannot. Exactly 11 years ago, it was the first longest day of my life, and still many of us regret for what happened. I had lost one of my dear ones, my cousin, Miss.Ramya (aged 19) in an accident. I was an 8 year old kid, when it happened and once I heard of the news, after reaching home from school, I had not known how to react. I was totally blank and could not believe it at once. It was a Tuesday and from then on, I developed some kind of hatred towards Tuesdays, even though I was born on a Tuesday.
She was someone who left me very few memories about her. I have heard my relatives talk about her Genius, many a time, and I am here to share a few things about her.

First thing that comes to my mind, is the way she handled my right hand, when I got infected with a thorn, which got into the nails of my thumb. All the ladies of the house were concerned about it and everyone was trying their hand in getting the thorn removed. But no one, not even my mom had managed to do so, despite taking hours. But it was only a matter of 10 minutes that she got it removed from my thumb, with a surgeon’s precision. This incident got etched into my memory and I instantly felt a liking towards her. I remember her carrying me piggy-back after that!

Given that I was a kid then, she once walked me to the temple and that evening, she spotted a black Scorpion, with its vicious sting, ready to devour anyone who came along its way. I remember her frightening me with all kind of stories about scorpions, after that.

One day, I was disturbing her, banging at the door, when she was taking bath inside. She had warned me about the consequences of her opening the door anytime. And much to her annoyance, I started banging it with more power, making terrible noise. She opened the door suddenly, pulled me in and got me drenched with a bucket full of water and I was shell-shocked by the speed of the incidents. Later she wiped the water out of me with all that she had. I had surrendered to her, crying how my mom would beat me up, if she comes to know that I played in water. And my mom was not aware of that incident and I escaped.

Once, we went on a tour and I remember her having a great time with me and family at a water-theme park in Madurai. And at Tirupathi, in a shop, I remember my dad getting me a single grain of rice, with both of our names written in it! Both of us were super-excited on seeing that. As time passed on, I lost it somewhere and I regret that.

During vacation, I used to visit my Uncle’s and she cherished my presence every time I went there. On those days, I used to sleep next to her. She used to talk a lot during those nights, about her aims of becoming an Astronaut, and exploring the space beyond the skies. In my childhood, I was equally interested in Space Science and those fantasized stories thrilled me! The one aspect that I loved the most was, the way she used to hug me tightly to her when she sleeps. And now, as I write this line, a tear trickles down my cheeks. I couldn't help it.

The last time I was with her, was 2 days before she left us all, and incidentally it was her birthday. Yes! The 16^th of June is her birthday and she had come to my house for dinner. I played cricket with her for sometime and she bid me goodbye for one last time. I had then not realized  that it was going to be the last time I see her. I promised to visit her, the next weekend, but in a matter of 48 hours, things changed and something that should not have happened, had happened.

Now, after many years, whenever I go to my Uncle’s, I stare at her Photo, hung on the wall and have totally One-sided Conversations with her, when there is no one around.

All these years, I question to God, on this day, “Why did this happen?” 

When someone, who gave me only a few things to remember, can create such an impact on me, imagine what effect her untimely death would have had on her mom, i.e. my aunt, who had spent 19 years of her life with her. My aunt is one perfect Tamil Brahmin woman, whom I respect the most, more than my mom herself. I can dare say, not even a single day passes by, for her, without thinking of her beloved daughter. She is very orthodox and follows almost all kinds of religious practices, even after this incident, without losing her faith in God. Of course, God will never answer prayers of such people! I would go on to describe her as a woman with a steely resolve.

My dad acquired traces of Atheism, after that day, though he doesn't expose it much. I turned Agnostic and sometimes question His/Her existence. About 2 weeks back, when a well-known, corrupt politician celebrated his 90^th birthday, a feeling of disgust engulfed my throat and I was beginning to test my faith in God.

My eyes filled up with tears as I heard the news

It never occurred to me, how much I could lose.
I find myself wishing that it wasn't real
Every time I think about it, pain is all I can feel.
Tears fall from my eyes, I can barely see
But my heart tells me that she'll always be with me.
I’m glad she feels no pain now -
She lives in a perfect land.
And I will love and miss her forever
Until the day we are again together.
But until that day comes -
I will wipe my tears away.

And hopefully see her again someday.

- Poet Unknown.

Images Courtesy : Sadhana